Day 21

Since I missed two, I hope I am on 21.

"You can't just ask customers what they want and then try to give that to them. By the time you get it built, they'll want something new."

— Steve Jobs: was an American inventor and businessman

I found all these posts I had somehow saved as drafts and am posting them. The things stress will do. 

Day 11

Let each man exercise the art he knows.

Aristophanes (450 BC - 388 BC), 

Day 6

"Life is a perpetual instruction in cause and effect"

- Emerson

This is the logo and device design for the advertisement I posted yesterday. The program is Adobe Illustrator 5.0

Staying on top of everything.

This is the first thing I started working on right after I was loaned a lap top by a friend. I was stunned by how much I had forgotten since July. BTW Adobe Illustrator (CS6) There are things that do not work well with this. But I think posting it, fixing it and reposting will be really valuable. So this is a draft. obviously everything about the cat needs to be lighter. 

I had a a whole story around this image. The first is that the Bunny Slippers look terrified. It dawned on me that when the cat opened the door there was something disconcerting there. So disconcerting that it scared the slippers too. Then I thought, well, maybe it is embarrassing to see friends at the door when you have a strange robe on and bunny slippers and everyone, including the slippers are just mortified. Friends should really call before they stop by. 

Goodbye 2012

I must have been sidetracked. Good riddance 2012

“I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

I honestly don't know anything about Hazelden Meditation. I liked the quote. I watched a wonderful Ted talk the other night about a boy who loved to draw and tell stories. He talked about his struggled, the people who influenced him and his ultimate successes, and as he talked I found myself getting more and more emotional. He is now a well know children's book author. When he finished I burst into tears, that turned into long hard sobbing.  I think there are a lot of things tied to why I cried so long and hard. Mostly that I have been derailed from the career I wanted. And all the people, and circumstances I have let derail it. I have always known what I wanted to do, I have just never believed it was more important than the other people, or the other considerations in my life. And I know that it is just a repeating pattern. Going way back. Putting off what I wanted to do, for what someone else thought or needed me to do. And all the fear that follows in the footsteps of putting off dreams for yet another day hoping that things will change and you will have time, money,  or courage or the something that you don't have now. Not because I believe any of it, but because people that I respected did and they are still in my head, whispering in my ear. 

By-the-way, if you haven't heard it has been cold in CA. I took this photograph of a young cabbage plant yesterday, late in the  morning. those are ice crystals. Beautiful. I spent a wonderful day  today cutting back freeze burned cannas. It was warm in the sun, and a glorious day. Yesterday I saw two huge flocks of Sandhill Cranes heading south. Their shifting "V" pattern glittered. I felt blessed. 

Education is an ornament in prosperity 

and a refuge in adversity. 

Aristotle

From my garden in Sacramento "Yellow Nasturtium", 2009 

So I have another degree. This one as difficult to pursue as the first, in some ways harder because of my age.  But it was easier to be in school, with a task at hand than it is to look for work and be denied. It has made me bolder, but it is also emotionally exhausting to keep your belief in yourself strong when the seeds of hope are your children, sailing off into the unknown. That is what it is like to send out a resume. Especially when many employers admonish you not to call or stop by the place of business. I know there are people more qualified than me on paper, but I know I have a better work ethic. I know that my combined skills, gained over time are valuable, but that is offset by my age. I could freelance, but the tools to do so in a digital age are expensive. So everyday I vote for myself in the FedEx small Business Grant contest. and see that I have less than one hundred votes and know that is not enough. Vote for me reminders on Facebook don't seem to be doing the trick. Maybe I will post an ad on Craigslist. LOL. Life is good in a lot of ways. I just need more gainful employment. In the meantime, Vote for me and my business, Ferris Design & Illustration:

http://grantcontest.fedex.com/fedex-small-business-grant-voting/microsite/gallery/506f6c2e0191173746027419?cmp=EMC-1000968-2-1-200-1110000-US-US-EN-GRANTCONTEST000&ACXRID=1222955616&link=vote

Fed Ex Grant Contest

I have been accepted for the first part of a grant contest, now it is up to friends and family to help me out. With $25K I could get some decent equipment, get my car tuned up. I don't even make that much in a year. That is very sad. I guess they will take taxes out, so kiss a third of it goodbye. Still more than I made last year. Plenty to work with, and pay off a small debt or two. I included a detail of this poster.

http://grantcontest.fedex.com/fedex-small-business-grant-voting/microsite/gallery/506f6c2e0191173746027419?cmp=EMC-1000968-2-1-200-1110000-US-US-EN-GRANTCONTEST000&ACXRID=1222955616&link=vote

Lemons, Digital Photo, 2010, 

Farmers Market at X Street 

Sacramento, CA.

I don't think there's any artist of any value who doesn't doubt what they're doing. 

Francis Ford Coppola 

I have been looking for a job now for over a month. It is so depressing to not receive but one reply. I send out at least one a day; more often two or three. Doing that is my second job. However that one resulted in an interview. I did not get the job, but I still consider it a win. So why the picture of the lemons? I recently discovered when attempting to paste my resume into a spot on an employer's web site that the pdf version results in rows of little boxes. I have been counting on the pdf to work when all other formats fail. What is funny is that one job I got an interview for. They were able to print out my resume from the attached version just fine. I am baffled. Now that I am no longer in school there is no one to ask, no one to help me figure it out, I no newer software to use. So the Lemons seemed appropriate.

I am trying to balance what could be interrupted as a bit of failure with the things that make me feel positive. Artwork, yard work, catching up on chores. Being broke is wearing a little thin. Time on my hands to do other things and I have NO money. I am grateful for a roof over my head in a beautiful location, animals that love me,
friends that believe in me. Weighing things out. Life is good!

Iguana, Prismacolor, 1995

A drawing is simply a line going for a walk.
– Paul Klee

This drawing would have been quite a trek. I am slowly getting back to doing art for my self, and I am getting freelance work, but it is taking time to get back in the groove. Now if I can find a new job, with some decent hours and pay. Life will be good. Back to work! ;->