“I used to spend so much time reacting and responding to everyone else that my life had no direction. Other people's lives, problems, and wants set the course for my life. Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.”
― Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go: Hazelden Meditation Series

I honestly don't know anything about Hazelden Meditation. I liked the quote. I watched a wonderful Ted talk the other night about a boy who loved to draw and tell stories. He talked about his struggled, the people who influenced him and his ultimate successes, and as he talked I found myself getting more and more emotional. He is now a well know children's book author. When he finished I burst into tears, that turned into long hard sobbing.  I think there are a lot of things tied to why I cried so long and hard. Mostly that I have been derailed from the career I wanted. And all the people, and circumstances I have let derail it. I have always known what I wanted to do, I have just never believed it was more important than the other people, or the other considerations in my life. And I know that it is just a repeating pattern. Going way back. Putting off what I wanted to do, for what someone else thought or needed me to do. And all the fear that follows in the footsteps of putting off dreams for yet another day hoping that things will change and you will have time, money,  or courage or the something that you don't have now. Not because I believe any of it, but because people that I respected did and they are still in my head, whispering in my ear. 

By-the-way, if you haven't heard it has been cold in CA. I took this photograph of a young cabbage plant yesterday, late in the  morning. those are ice crystals. Beautiful. I spent a wonderful day  today cutting back freeze burned cannas. It was warm in the sun, and a glorious day. Yesterday I saw two huge flocks of Sandhill Cranes heading south. Their shifting "V" pattern glittered. I felt blessed.